i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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