I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
