She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
