fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
