And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Too much gin, very little bucket
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
