Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
