Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
