another moral hangover. fuck.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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