its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
