I showed him my bush... on skype.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize