She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
