i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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