the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So here I am, sexting at work.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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