I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
