You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
