And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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