don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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