awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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