True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
3pm strippers are depressing
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize