Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
