She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
