I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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