Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
