You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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