I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
