Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Found the puke drawer
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize