I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
how does that bad decision feel?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
