get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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