I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
