Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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