as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
