I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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