Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize