I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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