Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
