So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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