My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
