Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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