I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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