We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The best revenge is premature balding
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
