His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Vodka?
Forever.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
