you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
