Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
