also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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