I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize