I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
