Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
