Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
