so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
