My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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