My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
