I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
