no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
