Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
