You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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