he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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