I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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