Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The uberlube is also flammable
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
