Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
