My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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