just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You may now shotgun with the bride
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
