don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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