he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize