my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
