Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
