i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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