You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
