why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So gin and wine won't be happening again
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
