I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
